Floating downstream

Yesterday I was reminded of something very important-the necessity of FEELING. Sure, it’s easy and welcomed when those feelings come in the form of “good”, such as laughter, joy, love, etc. But what about when the feelings are deemed “bad”, such as tears, heartache, loss, etc.? I think that illuminates the first point-that we label the feelings in those categories and therefore will do almost anything to avoid the “darker” emotions. More often than not, though, the greatest transformations are born from entering, experiencing and then emerging from those darker places. Nobody makes the “hero” list without first enduring some type of struggle(s) and living to tell the tale. It’s certainly not pretty while it’s happening, though. Actually it’s quite ugly and can be confusing and there will be many, many moments when you’re just about to give up. And then always at the “right” moment you’ll get a message from the strangest of places (the back of a cereal box, a funny-shaped cloud, a random meme on social media) that releases just the tiniest reminder of what the bigger goal is. That glimmer may only last a few hours, a few days, but it can be the light that pushes you a little more forward. The hurdles will always be there, and it would be unrealistic to pretend that they don’t exist-but if we could just somehow wrap our minds around the concept of “accepting what is” in that moment, and more importantly, accepting the messiness that may accompany it, may just help ease the moment a little. Maybe. That and treating ONE another with kindness, starting with ONEself.

The more we learn, the less we know, which is so very exciting! It means that we will never run out of things to do or experiences to have. Tastes change, interests change, life evolves. We will most likely know what to do or not do in any particular moment by listening to our bodies and trusting that little inner voice that says “eat some chocolate and take a nap.” Or whatever your little voice says, mine can only speak for itself. And as far as being concerned about how things will turn out? Meh. Nobody really knows, so just do IT, whatever “IT” is, and have no regrets. There’s no tallying, and there’s definitely glory in the “trying”. Some people were born to be the rocks and some people were born to be the rivers, and the twain always meet.

Jenny from the block

In the midst of change we can often forget about who we are, what we want, and the whole point of initiating the change in the first place. 2016 has brought forth a significant development in my own character and life path; everything that I thought “was” has transformed in to something so incredible and exciting that I almost peed my pants. Twice. For those who have lived fairly constant lives may find it hard to relate, and that’s ok. Polar opposites are important, it’s what keeps balance.

I am fortunate to have friends from varied backgrounds, from different ethnicities, faiths, socio-economic statuses, sexual orientation, etc. I value their opinions and know that whatever they share with me comes from the best intentions; I am reminded though, that most people will give advice according to their own belief system, moral compass and life experience, whatever that may be. While I have a deep and sincere appreciation for every human on this planet, how I choose to live my life is a matter of CHOICE. And that is fluid, like water, ya catch my drift? For as long as I can remember my “self”, I have been experimental by nature, and quite happily so. It’s fun, period. And while there are “toils” to life, I DO believe it is meant to be enjoyed to it’s full potential, and there is actually no “right” or “wrong” choice (in my opinion) except for assholyness. I guess it can happen accidentally, but I choose not to be an asshole. Other than that, I am very much in Camp Choice. I don’t feel the need to “pick a side”, because “sides” have been created by us, which means they can just disappear when we wish them to. The lines we draw in the sand can be the very lines that keep us from rediscovering our Oneness.

As I coyly ferment, my circle of humans I spend time with has changed and grown smaller and more intentional. The choices I make are not “against” anything but rather “for” my own path, which is vast and mostly undiscovered. With every small change or decision I release some build up of whatever was holding me back from taking that step in the first place. Each lesson has broadened my perspective and has stretched boundaries that were only imaginary. Just the thought of the immense possibilities that are out there for all of us gives me the tingles in all the right places.

As I regroup and adjust to my new life I dig my heels in deeper on certain topics and allow everything else to simply float; we are all free, free to live the lives we desire-free, autonomous beings. All we can do is make our best effort and be honest about whether the choices we made yesterday are still suitable for the people we are today. The best advice I’ve ever been given is “whatsoever you do, do it with conviction. And when you change your mind, change it with conviction.”