In going with the whole “new world, new you” theme that seems to be taking the world by Storm, I have chosen today to focus on a theme/feeling that has been gently screaming for me to take notice of- Gratititude.
I am becoming more and more aware of how our attitude affects the world around us, and affects our ability to tap in to the peace of mind that universal abundance can provide. To give a clear definition-true gratitude is recognizing that we have enough, and that we are enough. We are provided for, just as we were provided for in the womb without doubt, such is the truth of our existence.
I can already see you rolling your eyes, and I totally get it! It seems counter intuitive, focusing positive energy on “having enough” when our Christmas list to Santa is like, 10-feet long. Why ask if I already have all that I need? Because it is the energy of gratitude that attracts more abundance. Or so the story goes lol
Somehow, some way, when I find myself pulled back to those “dark places” (you know the ones I’m talking about, the mental places of scarcity or loneliness) something inside of me jumps out and yells “Ha! I caught you! Why? Did you think I wouldn’t see what you’re trying to do?! And by my lucky stars I’m always able to get back to the fuzzy, warm destination of being totally content and satisfied in the present moment, proverbial coconut drink in hand 🙂
I haven’t always been able to do that, or rather, I haven’t always been aware that I have the ability to change my attitude or the way I view or live through transition periods. I have, however, always known how to survive long enough to reach the point of THRIVING. And that my friend is the will power of a soul who just can’t give up on “trying to reach the things that we can’t see.”
Well hello there…it’s been quite a time, hasn’t it?
Friend, I’ve been through quite the shit storm. I went to a place inside of myself that I didn’t even know existed-it scared the lace panties right off my Dorito-lovin’ ass! Believe me when I say that self-growth is not for the faint of heart, or stomach. But somehow, I made it through. I’d like to say it’s the christmas season that brought joy back in to my heart, but that’s not a whole truth. I’d also like to say that I “saw the light” or that my creator spoke to me personally and pulled me up by my suspenders, but that’s also not it. The truth is that my lesson to be learned this time was acceptance, and I accepted that I needed time to grieve and process an ended love affair-and I didn’t need anybody telling me how to do it, or what kind of time it would consume, or what cockamamie remedies to take-because for the first time in my life I insisted on allowing the process to unfold as it needed to.
So i tucked myself in to my turtle shell and said goodbye to the world and it’s hustle and bustle, I politely avoided conversation when I felt it may be too painful to open up…and I mourned. My pillows were salt-crusted and my eyes told a story that most were hesitant to ask about. My bed was my solace, my comforter the arms that held me, and my own voice was the one who was telling me that I really was going to be ok, and that I am consistently taking confident steps in the right direction and that eating a tub of Haagen-Dazs is actually uber healthy compared to the alternative (of which I am not allowed to make mention of for legal purposes)
And that nutshell is what brought me to today-writing again. And i did it myyyyy waaaaaay!
This is how I know that I REALLY AM “ok”, and that my life is moving in the direction that I want it to go for a change. And eating a pack of Twizzlers and guzzling “dessert wine” while blasting Bjork is like, the Indie version of a $5000/night retreat at some hoity toity country club-and i don’t even have to put on pants. My favourite part.
So here’s to self-discovery, self-acceptance, and a whole lotta L.O.V.E.-I’ll throw it out there like glitter out of a Unicorn’s ass. Maybe it’ll put a spell on you and we can vacuum up glitter together, in our undies. You know, what normal people do.